Gross

I love standing at the bus stop and having a guy put his finger over one nostril and blow snot onto the sidewalk from his other nostril.  If you like it too head over to 3rd and Bell, there's never a dull moment!

Happy New Year!

Basket of Junk

You're not disabled, you don't seem like a war veteran or a victim of some sort of disease.  You just seem like an overweight person lugging around a bunch of crap and I don't think I should have to move for you.

911

I haven't had much time for blogging about bus rides today as I was too busy saving people.  Last night I saw a transvestite being attacked by a guy that looked like The Situation.  I asked "her" if she needed help and she screamed in her Puerto Rican accent, "Yes, call the police! Please!".  As I am reporting the attack she runs off with him and I am stuck having to wait for the police and give them a report. 

And then, today a woman had a seizure outside of the restroom at the movie theater.  I heard an Asian woman crying "Help! Help!" so softly I thought it might be a basket of newborn kittens and come into the hallway to see some poor girl having convulsions.  Again, while on the phone with 911, the girl said she was okay. 

I just want to know something about my 911 call.  I told them the name of the movie theater where I was, shouldn't they know the address?  I even told them the streets and again they asked for an address.  Like I know?  What if there was a crazy gunman, would I have to Google the address?  That concerned me.

Walking

Walking through downtown can be equally as annoying as riding the bus, if not more.  Especially during the holiday season.  Yesterday I had to pretend I was on my cell phone to avoid the "Do you have a minute to help the Environment?" people,  had six requests for spare change, two unsolicited creepy hellos from strange men and one extremely irritating guy three steps behind me talking loudly on his cell phone about his hiking trip to Rattlesnake Mountain and saying "DUDE!" every 8 seconds.  I had to walk one whole block out of my way just to ditch him.

The EXPRESS

This update is brought to us by my friend Anna Maria.  I believe she was riding the 66 Express from the U District, but the route number is beside the point, the key word here is EXPRESS.  Anna admits she was slightly disappointed that she had to wait for the severely obese woman's wheelchair to board on the lift, as she was in a hurry.  At any rate, the woman boarded the bus labeled EXPRESS,  the bus driver said as she boarded, "This is the Express, last stop until downtown Seattle!" and then of course, half way down East Lake,  the woman rings the bell. 

Driver: "I'm sorry Ma'am, this is the Express, no stops until downtown."
Woman: (Irate) "THEN YOU NEED TO TELL ME IT'S A FUCKING EXPRESS YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!".
Driver: (As woman is still cursing) "Next stop, downtown."

And the rest of the ride is a fun-filled curse fest!

Cool Duck Hat.

I also wish I was on the bus the day that my friend Derek saw a woman wearing a hat that looked like a duck.  It was only when the "hat" began flapping it's wings that he realized it wasn't a hat at all, but a live duck strapped to her head.

How did I miss this?

Today on the bus my friend Derek saw a guy with Turrets drool on a fellow passenger and then lose his pants while changing seats.

Moving Blog Site.

I am now in the process of moving this blog to http://www.todayonthebus.com/.  It will be a better site that will allow others to post their own stories on the horrors of Public Transportation.  Or special moments too,  I guess.

Thanks for reading!

Please Don't.

The only person that makes me happy to see wearing a Santa hat is Santa.

I Like Your Stockings.

Wow.  There is a lot to say about tonight's bus ride.  I hopped on a bus full of the most jovial group of people that didn't know each other I have seen since Michigan State won the Final Four Tournament.  A man with the Budweiser Frogs on his tee shirt and a Seahawks hat on was passing out candy canes, while the Indian woman made jokes to the bus driver that his diet must be a "see food" diet.  And how the first time she heard that expression she thought it meant you "must be eating the fish".  My bus driver demanded I take a transfer even though I didn't need one by saying, "What are you, crazy!?".  The next woman that got on the bus was wearing fishnet stockings, and as she got on the bus, talking on the phone and oblivious to the wise-cracking driver's comments he says, "I like your stockings".  "Uh huh," she mumbles.  And as she walks away he says, "Bet I'd like your panties more.".

Be Quiet!

Today I had the pleasure of having the driver on the 2 who loves the sound of his own voice.  For each and every stop he lists every business and government building within a two block radius.  I feel that someone would have already found out where the Department of Licensing was before getting on the bus to go there.  And is it really necessary to mention ROSS and Walgreens?  I'm trying to read here!

The 60 to White Center

I did not enjoy my ride on the 60.  It seems to consist mostly of seniors and is also very small.  But despite my having to move a couple of times to accommodate the elderly, my real problem was with the driver.  You know how you already feel uncomfortable when you don't know where you're going and you have to ask?  As I boarded,  I quietly requested she let me know when we got to the Ellis and S. Warsaw stop and she shouts, "ELLIS??",  like I was an idiot and Ellis doesn't even exist.  I murmured, "Nevermind, I'll figure it out myself.".  And with a red face I sat down behind a  middle-aged woman with awful hair.

Cosby Coat

One unfashionable woman on the bus to the other unfashionable woman on the bus:

Woman #1: "That looks like a warm coat!"
Woman #2: "Oh it is!  I got it years ago and I just love it!"
Woman #1: "It's just gorgeous."
Woman #2: "I know. I really love it." (As she picks lint from the shoulder)

(This picture was as close as I could get to the real jacket, it had a bit more "leather" in the shoulder pad region and was a little longer.)

The 26

I caught the 26 on a whim this evening. Even though it didn't go as far as I wanted to go I hopped on it anyway and what luxury! I sat in the way back and there were no nonsensical outbursts, no bad hygene problems and not even anyone talking loudly into their cell phone. And so, with a smile on my face I stared out the window and into the dark, rainy Seattle sky. And as I looked at the lights from the planes shining through the clouds a thought occurred to me. If I were an alien, I would definitely ride around in my spaceship on a night like tonight because I could really blend in well.

Pike and Pine

My least favorite stop is on 3rd Avenue in between Pike and Pine. People scramble to get on and they keep coming, one by one...for at least five minutes. And then right when we are pretty much full and are about to take off another person comes running up. And this happens for another two minutes. Now that I think about it, if I were a bus driver I might be one of those that pretends they don't see you and takes off. Probably only at that stop though.

Cats and Dogs

Today was especially gross on the bus, probably due to the rain. A man commented he felt bad for the cats and dogs and the homeless woman sitting near him shouted, "F#@k the cats and dogs, what about the humans! We eat animals. I'd gut and fry them cats and dogs!". I tried to take video of her, but was terrified she would catch me and ended up shooting the ceiling in my attempt at being discrete.

Leaving Early

You know what really grinds my gears? When the bus comes early. But even more so when it comes early, the driver watches you running for it but pretends she doesn't see and takes off anyway. That's what happened today. I guess I could have made a little more of a spectacle of myself, but I had hot coffee in my hand. A guy watching the whole thing said I shoud have doused the front window of the bus with it, but thankfully my temper is not that bad.

Today on the Bus...

Today on the bus I rode in a car. Killer.

Cell Phones

It should be illegal to use your cell phone on the bus. I wish the girl shouting into her phone which was on speaker would be arrested.

Fried Chicken

I thought today was going to be an uneventful ride to work, but it really spiced up towards the end. The man that stalks my rather pretty driver at 4th and Seneca (last time he brought her a piece of fried chicken wrapped up in a napkin) hopped on the bus and said he tried to catch her earlier but she took off 30 seconds early. I couldn't help but think she saw him coming and floored it. Her coat fell on the ground and he picked it up for her and told her he'd hold it until his stop. I then watched him go through the pockets.

Around the same time a lady interrupted the man talking to the bus driver and said, "Will you let me off at the nearest liquor store?". And the bus driver curtly told her she didn't know where a liquor store was.

I need a new cell phone with video.

Thursday November 2nd, I Almost Miss the Usual Riff Raff.

Tonight I was annoyed. Not at the bus driver like yesterday, but at the fifteen teenagers taking their blindfolded teen friend somewhere special for dinner. Sounds nice right? Unless all fifteen of them are chirping away at the same time like a damn hen house. Nothing makes you feel older than trying to do a crossword on the bus while simultaneously scowling over it at teenagers. I say, give me back my incoherents.

This is my first blog post. I kindof feel like Doogie Howser.

Stayed tuned for a flashier blog page.